Physical "stuff"
Unlike a couple expecting their first child and getting prepared through a celebratory baby shower, we must purchase everything ahead of time ourselves. Because we will be open to foster/adopt children or sibling groups from birth to 8 years old, we need to be able to provide something for each gender within that age group. Those of you reading this can only imagine how much "stuff" that really entails. And when I say "stuff" I mean so much stuff that I honestly do not want everything parents "swear by" because our house has to be able to hold all of that "stuff" and store all of that "stuff". I'm trying to do a lot of research on products so we can purchase items that serve more than one purpose, is gender neutral, and most importantly is compact.
Oddly enough the only thing that is absolutely required before we get our homestudy complete and approved is car seats. We have been told multiple times that our licensing specialist will be required to actually see and examine the car seats we have before they can complete the homestudy. They have specific standards that we have to follow along with the state laws pertaining to car seats.
It has been recommended that we "start bringing in beds". While we have a trundle bed for our guests (and older child if we are placed with one), it doesn't serve and infant or a toddler. Here comes another "problem". We don't have the space to have both a crib and a toddler bed in one room. I mean we could do it; but, more or less it would be really crowded. So therefore, the previously mentioned that the "stuff" we are researching has to serve more than one purpose. To be honest, I am seriously holding off on the whole crib/toddler bed until we make room for the one I want.
We have been blessed to be given TONS of hand me down clothes for both boys and girls from birth all the way into around age 7. Other essentials we still need to purchase are mostly for baby items that make more sense to hold off until we get a placement. It just doesn't make sense to spend all kinds of money buying baby stuff if we are placed with a 2 year old. Though it is odd to "baby-proof" a house when we don't have any babies and don't know if we will be placed with a baby. And we have indeed began to "baby-proof" in a way so I don't have to have child-safety locks on everything.
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| Because if you are tall, you can get away with this style of baby-proofing the kitchen. |
In all honesty, it feels strange to ask people to provide physical things or gifts because there is so much uncertainty within who our placements will be, the age(s), or even how many children will be place with us. If a placement does reunite with their family, anything that was purchased for that child is to go with the child which includes clothes, toys, books, or anything they have grown attached to during their stay. With each child that gets placed with us, we will receive a monthly stipend (and we have been told over and over that WI is the absolute lowest paying) that is to go towards clothes, food, toys, and entertainment for the child(ren) in our care (which we have also been told will rarely cover everything). So ultimately it is kind of hard to say, "hey we need this, this, and this" when we will be receiving some money after each month to kind of reimburse ourselves for things we have bought for our littles, if that makes any sense.
It is actually best to just check with me (us) to see if something is really going to be useful or appropriate if you honestly wanted to buy something. Please be reassured though that we are really not asking for people to do so; but, just want to be honest that if we get a placement and a child gets attached and if being reunited, whatever it is they are attached to will go back home with them.
Understanding
One of the biggest things that we will need is actually understanding. While many will want photos of our littles, it is more difficult than just posting a photo. Children in the system are protected and publicizing they are a "foster child" is in one way "against the rules". They are not to be known as foster children; but, simply children. Their names are also protected. It is absolutely imperative that if we share a photo with you, that it is not shared (I cannot stress this enough).
On the topic of them being protected, so is their story. We are under no circumstances allowed to discuss anything about the child(ren)s family, or the reason they are in the system with anybody and this includes our own families. Please understand it is really in the best interest of the child(ren) as well as their own safety sometimes.
Until we have legally adopted our child(ren), all decisions must be run by and okayed by the birth parents. We will not be allowed to travel across state lines without prior approval from the birth parents, something not all birth parents are willing to grant. And if by chance you would like to visit for more than a few days, you will be required to have a background check done prior to the visit (the softest of all the background checks). A background check is also required if we want to leave our child(ren) with anybody. This is for the children and their safety.
Punishments are something that shocked us more than anything. Under no circumstance is anybody but Derek or myself allowed to punish our children. Under no circumstance is anybody allowed to punish their own children with spankings in front of fosters. Often times the whole background for a child is unknown until something has triggered a reaction. Spankings are looked at as a trigger for fosters, especially those who have a violent home in their past.
Understanding and patience is really the number one thing I think Derek and I will need from others. We are going into this blind and have no idea what to expect. We have rules and regulations that we have to abide by in order to retain our license. We understand that it may take time for our family and friends to adjust to our new life, but we are willing to discuss as much as we legally can to ease concerns and answer questions. We need others to understand that the way we do things with our child(ren) may seem unconventional; but, you cannot raise a child who has been in the system the same way as one who has not. We also may have to miss out on a few things in the next few years to come; but, we are looking at the long term goal of becoming a family
