FTA Licensing Update

We had to complete 9 hours of pre-placement training prior to getting our dual license.  Thankfully the classes were only 3 hours at a time.  Beyond the frustration of actually getting to the site, the training was a mixture of very repetitive information, information we already knew, and some helpful information.  We went in with an open mind because we weren't sure what the training was going to be like and really found one and a half of the sessions to be beneficial.

For us we were primarily hoping to discuss what we need to do once we actually get "the call".  There are doctor appointments needed, dentist appointments, figuring out daycare/school, etc.  This was the most beneficial information to us as it was something that would actually help us in preparing for children coming into our home.

We still have the rest of our 33 hours of training we need to complete; but, we have two years to complete the training.  We also have two different training sessions we must complete with our agency; but, in order to register for all of our training we need to be actually licensed.

Speaking of getting licensed, we have our final walk-thru tomorrow!  Our licensing specialist will stop by to verify we have working smoke detectors, carbon monoxide detectors, fire exit plan, etc.  We will be doing an exterior safety check as well.

So far the licensing process has been pretty smooth and our licensing specialist believes we should have our license within a month(ish).  And then it is just a wait for us to get "the call" and we will be on a crazy adventure!

Getting Prepared for Littles

We have been so grateful to everybody who has offered to donate gently used things or even brand new things in order for us to prepare for having littles enter our house.  Since most of the stuff is coming from MN it means that my folks get to transport it to us (haha, sorry m&d).  They recently made a weekend trip out to bring us a couple cribs along with some other smaller stuff that would fit in the small areas of the Flex that weren't being taken up by cribs.  Being given two cribs was kind of a blessing as it means that we could take in a baby and a toddler at the same time as well as an older child if need be.  While my folks visited they did a lot to help us prepare the rooms for littles from swapping dressers around to fixing a drop down crib to a stationary crib to going through clothes and putting them in the dressers.  It is nice being a little closer to family, just wish it was easier for all family to come visit.

One of many bins of clothes before organizing them into drawers.

 My mom ended up keeping quite a bit of clothing from when me, my brother, and sister were babies.  In addition, Derek and I have three nephews and two nieces who.  My brother and sister-in-law have generously donated clothes (and toys still in bins) to us.  Being the youngest child in your family, you get used to hand-me-downs and really kids grow so quickly it makes more sense to go through hand-me-downs unless something specific is needed.  For us it really makes sense because we are not sure of what littles will be entering our home, the ages, sizes, or even season.

As this doll was lying down, Derek said it was creepy because the eyelids open and close.  Boy, is he in for a treat if we get a girl or girls.

 As a kid, I didn't play with dolls very often.  To be honest, I thought they were ugly and there was only one Barbie doll I did like, the one that was "Asian" even though she was Hawaiian.  When I did play with dolls, I wanted to pretty ones, which didn't include the standard blonde hair, blue eyed doll.  Plus, the chances of us having an African American child is so great, I would prefer to have a wider variety of ethnicity shown through their toys (and really, when is it a bad thing to teach any child about diversity). 

Homemade doll clothes my mom made.

 My mom has made so much doll clothes it is crazy.  She used to make clothes for my dolls when I was younger and always thought they were so much prettier than the store bought stuff.

One of three car seats, this one from our licensing worker.

 Besides beds, the other thing that was required for us to have in order to become licensed was car seats.  With our age range being 0-5 (8 at oldest), this meant we needed an infant car seat, convertible car seat, and a booster seat.  Our licensing worker surprised us by giving us one of the three car seats we have and thankfully none of them are pink!

A zebra rug, you know to hide the stained carpet from the previous owners.

With the exception of a few minor things like hanging paintings, for the most part the rooms are done (*only photos of one room because the other is pretty boring with just a bed and dresser).

Drop down crib no more!  This crib held three of my second cousins on one side of my family.

Choices for seating.

 My grandpa made this rocking horse and even won a ribbon at the state fair for it.  And that little yellow rocking chair was a gift for my 1st birthday!

Toddler bed which we could double into another crib if needed.  This crib held two of my other second cousins from the other side of my family.

 Derek thought I was absolutely nuts when I told him we were getting two cribs.  He wasn't convinced they would fit in the room; but, I of course had a plan!  It worked out pretty well to have two cribs so one could be set up as a toddler bed, especially since this one has a drawer underneath.

How cute are these sheets?!

My Aunt had kept some sheets and I instantly fell in love with these!  Seriously, these are the best.  And my sister-in-law had a Bob the Builder quilt that while we can't use yet, works perfectly folded in half for a toddler quilt.

One of two dressers WITH clothes in them.

 This dresser is a bit on the smaller side; but, holds plenty of clothes for boys, girls, or neutral for either.  The dresser in the other room is quite a bit larger that has plenty of room for additional clothes.

Goodwill finds.

 Have you tried to find a good night lite lately?  It is a pain in the neck to find a good one (a.k.a. motion activated).  We haven't tested these out yet to see if they actually work; but, they were too cute to pass up.  And granted if they work should provide a little comforting to littles if they become scared.

If we get an infant.

It is hard to get a good variety of stuff when we have such a "big" age range.  We luckily were gifted this along with a space saving high chair for the dinner table.

Pregnant women "nest" and I can understand the feeling.  Getting the rooms set for the most part has given me a bit of ease in feeling we are somewhat prepared for the future.  It also has made us more excited in knowing that our family will be growing.  Monday (or Tuesday, because I can't remember) will be our final visit with our licensing worker before she hands us off to the next person.  She will be completing our home study with her boss and will just be waiting upon our out-of-state background checks.

What comes up next for us?  We have 9 hours of training coming up in February (yes, I realize that is tomorrow) which is also required before getting licensed.

FTA: How can I help & Other important information

Many of you have asked how you can help or to let you know if there is anything we need.  The answer is a little bit more complex than anything straight forward, so here it goes.

Physical "stuff"

Unlike a couple expecting their first child and getting prepared through a celebratory baby shower, we must purchase everything ahead of time ourselves.  Because we will be open to foster/adopt children or sibling groups from birth to 8 years old, we need to be able to provide something for each gender within that age group.  Those of you reading this can only imagine how much "stuff" that really entails.  And when I say "stuff" I mean so much stuff that I honestly do not want everything parents "swear by" because our house has to be able to hold all of that "stuff" and store all of that "stuff".  I'm trying to do a lot of research on products so we can purchase items that serve more than one purpose, is gender neutral, and most importantly is compact.

Oddly enough the only thing that is absolutely required before we get our homestudy complete and approved is car seats.  We have been told multiple times that our licensing specialist will be required to actually see and examine the car seats we have before they can complete the homestudy.  They have specific standards that we have to follow along with the state laws pertaining to car seats.

It has been recommended that we "start bringing in beds".  While we have a trundle bed for our guests (and older child if we are placed with one), it doesn't serve and infant or a toddler.  Here comes another "problem".  We don't have the space to have both a crib and a toddler bed in one room.  I mean we could do it; but, more or less it would be really crowded.  So therefore, the previously mentioned that the "stuff" we are researching has to serve more than one purpose.  To be honest, I am seriously holding off on the whole crib/toddler bed until we make room for the one I want.

We have been blessed to be given TONS of hand me down clothes for both boys and girls from birth all the way into around age 7.  Other essentials we still need to purchase are mostly for baby items that make more sense to hold off until we get a placement.  It just doesn't make sense to spend all kinds of money buying baby stuff if we are placed with a 2 year old.  Though it is odd to "baby-proof" a house when we don't have any babies and don't know if we will be placed with a baby.  And we have indeed began to "baby-proof" in a way so I don't have to have child-safety locks on everything.

Because if you are tall, you can get away with this style of baby-proofing the kitchen.

In all honesty, it feels strange to ask people to provide physical things or gifts because there is so much uncertainty within who our placements will be, the age(s), or even how many children will be place with us.  If a placement does reunite with their family, anything that was purchased for that child is to go with the child which includes clothes, toys, books, or anything they have grown attached to during their stay.  With each child that gets placed with us, we will receive a monthly stipend (and we have been told over and over that WI is the absolute lowest paying) that is to go towards clothes, food, toys, and entertainment for the child(ren) in our care (which we have also been told will rarely cover everything).  So ultimately it is kind of hard to say, "hey we need this, this, and this" when we will be receiving some money after each month to kind of reimburse ourselves for things we have bought for our littles, if that makes any sense.

It is actually best to just check with me (us) to see if something is really going to be useful or appropriate if you honestly wanted to buy something.  Please be reassured though that we are really not asking for people to do so; but, just want to be honest that if we get a placement and a child gets attached and if being reunited, whatever it is they are attached to will go back home with them.

Understanding

One of the biggest things that we will need is actually understanding.  While many will want photos of our littles, it is more difficult than just posting a photo.  Children in the system are protected and publicizing they are a "foster child" is in one way "against the rules".  They are not to be known as foster children; but, simply children.  Their names are also protected.  It is absolutely imperative that if we share a photo with you, that it is not shared (I cannot stress this enough).

On the topic of them being protected, so is their story.  We are under no circumstances allowed to discuss anything about the child(ren)s family, or the reason they are in the system with anybody and this includes our own families.  Please understand it is really in the best interest of the child(ren) as well as their own safety sometimes.

Until we have legally adopted our child(ren), all decisions must be run by and okayed by the birth parents.  We will not be allowed to travel across state lines without prior approval from the birth parents, something not all birth parents are willing to grant.  And if by chance you would like to visit for more than a few days, you will be required to have a background check done prior to the visit (the softest of all the background checks).  A background check is also required if we want to leave our child(ren) with anybody.  This is for the children and their safety.

Punishments are something that shocked us more than anything.  Under no circumstance is anybody but Derek or myself allowed to punish our children.  Under no circumstance is anybody allowed to punish their own children with spankings in front of fosters.  Often times the whole background for a child is unknown until something has triggered a reaction.  Spankings are looked at as a trigger for fosters, especially those who have a violent home in their past.

Understanding and patience is really the number one thing I think Derek and I will need from others.  We are going into this blind and have no idea what to expect.  We have rules and regulations that we have to abide by in order to retain our license.  We understand that it may take time for our family and friends to adjust to our new life, but we are willing to discuss as much as we legally can to ease concerns and answer questions.  We need others to understand that the way we do things with our child(ren) may seem unconventional; but, you cannot raise a child who has been in the system the same way as one who has not.  We also may have to miss out on a few things in the next few years to come; but, we are looking at the long term goal of becoming a family

Foster to Adopt (FTA): Answering questions and concerns

Since things are quieting down from the holidays I thought it would be a good time to give an update.  Derek and I have been meeting with our licensing specialist each week for about the last month and a half.  Each week we go over and discuss new things.

Topics covered in meetings:
background checks
paperwork, paperwork, and more paperwork
foster care policies
can and cannot do's
quick home walk thru
testing fire detectors
personal individual interviews
preparing for completing homestudy
physical exam and tb test

Each week is brought with so much information we kind of just sit for a little bit after each appointment to reflect and take it all in.  There have been some things that have surprised us which I will write about in later post.  But more importantly, I wanted to kind of clear up some concerns and answer some questions we have been asked about adopting from foster care.

What is adopting from foster care?
          The primary objective for foster care is reunification.  Wanting to keep families together is kind of looked at as what is best.  This is a pro and a con because it actually means that children in the system can remain in the system much longer than they should be.  Adopting from foster care is a lengthy process and not the easiest.  In order for a child to be up for adoption (and we are still in the beginning stages here so will will continue to learn more and more), the rights of the parents need to be terminated.  In WI, parents have on average 15 months to change their lives around; but, we have been told that it usually takes about 2 years for parents rights to be terminated.  The first opportunity for adoption goes to family members as the goal is to always keep families together.  If nobody in the family wants to adopt the child(ren), the foster family the child is living with is generally asked if they would like to adopt as long as they hold a dual license (meaning they are a foster to adopt instead of straight fostering).

What country are you adopting from?
          Since we are adopting from the foster care system we are actually adopting children who are within our own community.  Because the county we live in has very little need for foster care we are actually becoming licensed in another county that has a huge need for fostering.

Don't get a crack baby.
          First and foremost, the number one reason children are in foster care is due to neglect, which is also the number one reason parental rights are going to be terminated.  In the county we will be licensed they have seen in the past children removed from homes due to physical or sexual abuse as well as drug use in the home; but, these cases are very rare.  Ultimately, Derek and I have the choice to say "no" to any child whose circumstances we are not comfortable with.

Don't get a black baby.
          First and foremost, we will not tolerate any prejudice or racism when it comes to our children or our family.  If anybody has an issue with us adopting outside of our race, I'm sorry to say there is no room for your judgement in our lives.  It may sound harsh; but, ultimately we understand that not all family and friends will be accepting of our children and we want to ensure they are surrounded by people who will love them and not judge them because of the color of their skin.

Just some statistics in our area for age and race of children in the system.

Let us know how we can help or if you need anything.
          This is a little more complicated to explain so please read stay tuned for the next post.

Hopefully, this update has helped a little bit.  If anybody has questions or concerns I did not touch on, please do not hesitate to ask and I will do my very best to answer.

Family

Derek and I have always dreamed of having a family together.  We never cared how, but, we always knew that we would adopt.  I should say that I actually told him from day 1 that he needed to be okay with adopting because it is a wonderful thing and I was going to adopt a child one day.  I would not have the amazing sister I have if it weren't for adoption.  

Derek and I had talked about what direction we should go with adoption: domestic, international, or foster to adopt.  For multiple reasons we chose foster to adopt.  One of the obvious reasons was money.  To adopt domestically or internationally you need to be able to come up with a minimum of $35,000 and upwards of $50,000.  Not wanting to break our bank we chose foster to adopt because everything I have read is that it is virtually "free".

"Free" always comes with a hidden cost though, especially when you are talking about foster care.   

"Free" comes at the cost of a child being frustrated and confused with why they are being removed from their home and put into an unfamiliar home with unfamiliar things and people.  "Free" comes with trying to help kids overcome.  Overcome anything from emotional trauma, physical abuse, sexual abuse, or the most common neglect.  "Free" comes with appointments, visits, and trying to rebuild a relationship between the birth parents and the child(ren).  "Free" means sometimes falling in love with a child who right when you think is going to be up for adoption is reunified with their family.  A bittersweet moment because after all the main goal of foster care is reunification of families.

No child chooses to be an orphan or a ward of the state, and they should never be treated differently than a "normal" child.